“Bless the Lord, Oh my soul!Oh my soul, worship His holy name.”
I was going to write a blog post about how I’ve been feeling, which to be honest hasn’t been that great lately. I thought getting over a breakup was hard, but “getting over” a divorce is probably two hundred times harder. I wanted to write a blog post where I “got real” about the pain I’ve been feeling and emotionally vomited on the internet like an angst-ridden teenager. But then I heard an amazing sermon today about Jesus’s deep love for His people, shared some sweet fellowship with a few sisters in Christ, and vented and prayed to God for an hour in my car, and I’m not going to share my emotional word vomit with you. I never want my “realness” to come across as wallowing and, to my shame, it’s been doing just that recently.
So instead, as an exercise mostly for me and partially to invite you readers to rejoice with me in what God has done in my life, I want to share some of the things I am thanking the Lord for:
• I am so thankful for the church God has put me in. There’s no such thing as a perfect church, but I love the preaching at Green Pond Bible Chapel. The gospel is so present and I find myself constantly amazed by the expository preaching of the Word of God.
• Speaking of, I am so thankful for the Scriptures. What an arsenal of truth! It is so necessary for our day to day life and we have it so readily available. How incredible is it that we have God’s words in one concise place? May I read it more and store it up in my heart.
• I am so thankful for my family, especially my parents. The way they’ve walked with me through this particular trial has required some Herculean effort and they’ve done it while parenting four other kids. Five, if you include my daughter who they watch all day while I work. I don’t know how I would be surviving without them.
• I’m thankful for my daughter. Sometimes I look at her and I’m overwhelmed. She looks so much like her father and I sometimes panic that I’m not going to be an adequate mom, that I’m going to fail this task. But then I see her dance sleepily to enjoyable music, thumb in her mouth because she’s moments away from wanting sleep and shaking her hips because she can’t hear music without dancing, and I am amazed that God put this little one in my life. I am so privileged to be her mommy.
• I’m thankful for my job. Is it the best job? No. Am I raking in the dough? No. Am I being given what I need? Absolutely. God hasn’t left me wanting. Shame on me for complaining about my employment when God’s put me right where He wants me in this moment.
• I’m thankful for music, particularly hymns that point us back to the cross.
• I’m thankful for the fellowship of believers. God knew we would need comrades in this life of spiritual warfare and of late I have been amazed by the prayer warriors He has placed in my life. At a time in my life where I could feel tempted to feel more lonely than ever, God has surrounded me with His people, proving once again that He doesn’t leave His children wanting.
• I’m thankful for prayer, that we can talk to God anytime.
• I am thankful that Jesus has washed my slate clean and that God sees me as He sees His Son, blameless and righteous in Him.
We have so much to rejoice about, doubly so for those of us in Christ. Even in my broken-heartedness, I am determined to praise the one who has set me free from sin and shame. When at night my heart is racing and my mind is tempted to listen to the anxious thoughts Satan likes to play, I will renew my mind with truth. And the truth is that I have been inordinately blessed. There are people who have it better and there are people who have it worse, but I know that God has showered me with blessings I don’t deserve. I want to spend my insomniac hours thanking Him and I want my waking hours to be full of rejoicing.
“O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! O fear the Lord, you His saints; For to those who fear Him there is no want. The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing.” Psalm 34:8-10