I am frustrated today.
No, you know what? Frustrated is an understatement. I am overwhelmed and pissed off.
2020 was a fantastic year for the Waters family, but 2021 is turning out to be hectic and exhausting.
Between homeschooling two similarly aged girls (or, homeschooling one well and absolutely failing the other one), trying to sell our house (it sold and now we have a million things to do before closing), having NO WHERE TO GO once we close because we keep getting out bid, finding out about random health issues (not life threatening, but scary none the less), absurd weather and cold, dealing with everyone’s reaction (sometimes appropriate and sometimes not) to Covid, and just… ya know, keeping up with the bloody laundry, I am reduced to nothing but hot angry tears today.
My frustration has hit a boiling point, and annual seasonal depression combined with the additional stress is making me want to throw in the towel. It’s only February and I’m just straight up not having a good time, my dudes.
But with all my stress this morning, God showed me something incredible.
Last night we evacuated our icy mountain home to stay with my parents while we were out of power. We had had some candles burning in the dark while we scrambled to pack and de-ice the cars. We hastily blew out all the candles on our way out, and we foolishly never checked to make sure the wicks weren’t smouldering locking the doors and leaving for the next twelve hours.
Well, one of the wicks smouldered on, producing a bright flame that burned while we were gone. We got home this morning to see the candle, burning away in the living room. Nothing was harmed.
As I hastily blew out the candle, I was stunned. The glass was blackened and the candle a puddle of wax. All I could think of was Psalm 113.
“From the rising of the sun to its setting the name of the LORD is to be praised. The LORD is high above all nations; His glory is above the heavens. Who is like the LORD our God, who is enthroned on high,” Psalm 113:3-5
We could’ve lost the house we’re working so hard to sell. But by some miracle, performed by a God who shows us way more mercy than we deserve, we didn’t. God actively was our salvation, even though we couldn’t see it at all.
Even in the midst of the chaos, God is keeping His people safe. Even in the midst of our fallibility, God is sovereignly guarding us.
I am weary. I currently feel like I’m having trouble putting one foot in front of the other, we’ve got so much going on. But God provides for all my needs. From giving me a wonderful husband who supports and leads me every step of the way, to loving, close by family who will let us crash in the guest room when the lights go out, to the miracle of not burning down our house with a stray candle, God is watching and God is acting. No fires are left unattended when the omnipresent God holds all the flames. If God can keep the fire of a candle from spreading in my house, I know that He can and will keep the fiery trials and stressors from consuming me.
God is god, I am not. I make mistakes. I get tired. I throw tantrums about the ridiculous “one parent policy” doctors offices abide to and make life difficult for my family. But God is always good. He never makes mistakes. He never gets tired. He upholds us even in our bleakest moments. And honestly, this is far from my bleakest moment. Yes, I’m a little overwhelmed right now, but it’s been so much worse. It’s not for me to know all the why’s and how’s of life. It’s for me to trust that God is in control.
It is truly humbling when I am having a temper tantrum of a day to remember that the same God who can contain an open flame, contains my life and my heart. I am glad that God is faithful to me in all of life’s many hard situations.
But seriously, make sure the candles are COMPLETELY blown out before you leave the house!!!!
Time to nap to cure the grumpy Mama.